Is Being Busy Who You Want To Be?
Is Being Busy Who You Want To Be?
I realized recently that when people would ask me how I have been - or - what I have been up to - that my answer would almost include some version of:
“Life/work/family has been so busy lately!”
This response became habitual for me - and I would repeat it without necessarily thinking about what I was busy with. In fact, I got so used to saying that I was busy - that it became part of my identity.
Then - when I wasn’t “busy” - I would feel uncomfortable - and fill my time up with busyness - so my actions matched my self-image.
Plus - I felt like being busy was what was expected of me. Being super busy seems to be the norm for people pursuing a version of success that isn’t guided by internal values and principles.
So - it was easy to justify this mindset - and do so without questioning whether or not this mindset or identity was consistent with the person, quality of life, the types of relationships, and the life purpose I wanted to create.
Crazy - right?
And then I started paying attention to how often other people would answer this question in a similar manner (which was a lot!!).
As I became aware of how easy it to develop a busy mindset and lifestyle - I made a conscious decision to try and focus on what would make me feel productive, intentional, or even fulfilled (as opposed to just busy!).
I took some time to really get clear on what’s:
most important and valuable to me
the quality of life I want to create for myself and my family
defining the type of person I want to be - the type of relationships I want to develop - and the community and culture I want to actively participate in - or even establish
the type of activities, experiences, and work I want to commit to - that will challenge, engage, and inspire me to learn and grow and lead to meaningful and fulfilling opportunities
the impact, purpose, and contribution I want to make on the people and causes that matter most to me
It became abundantly clear to me - that if I wasn’t being driven by these internal priorities and values - that my time and energy would get filled up with activities, busy work, and other people’s agendas - that would not create the story I want to be telling about myself, my family - or - the life and impact I want to establish.
And I see this all the time with people who have great intentions - that once things “slow” down - they will spend the time to do the things that really matter (like self-care; vacations with family; date nights; floor time with kids; having fun; setting goals and having important conversations).
Unfortunately, there are repercussions to putting these things off - and the longer that people allow “busy” to be their standard response - without identifying if it is the right type of busy - the further away their best life, best self, and best relationships get.
I certainly don’t mean for this to come off as judgmental or depressing - but - I do hope that it inspires at least one person to take time out and assess if their “busyness” is leading them to create the type of life, person, experiences, and connections that they desire in life.
For me - I have to continually keep a clear vision and description of what my best (or Authentic) self should look, act, and feel like in each of the roles that are most important to me (husband; dad; Coach; faith; etc) - and have daily reminders and structure set in place - so that it helps me to mindfully and intentionally step into these versions of myself - from moment to moment - in each of these roles.
I also have shared what the best version of myself is as a husband and father with my wife - my work vision I have shared with my coach and my accountability partner - and my spiritual vision and purpose - with my men’s group and pastor.
By doing this - it helps to keep my destination in front of me - and the support I have in place - lovingly holds me accountable to stay on course and act in alignment with the person that I want to be (it’s amazing how much easier it is to accept feedback from my wife - when I’m not in alignment with who I chose - and want to be - when it was my choice - and it’s not her telling me who I should/ need to be!!).
In conclusion - when I fill my time with activities that remind me of what my best self should look, act, and feel like - and then I step into that version of myself in my daily work, interactions, and experiences - I can clearly and confidently say that I don’t feel “busy” - but instead - feel energized, fulfilled, engaged, content, and inspired!
I have peace of mind in knowing that I am living on my terms - and striving to fulfill my spiritual purpose and destiny (I frequently get off course - but - because of the structure and support I have put in place - I don’t tend to get too far off course before I course correct!!).
Here is wishing you a year full of answering the questions about how you are doing, what you have been up to, etc., - with radical confidence - and in a manner that is deeply engaging, energizing, meaningful, and fulfilling for you!!