How to go from stressed out to spectacular during the holidays
With the holiday season approaching fast, I wanted to acknowledge a psychological reality related to this season - that may not have us giving thanks:
During a time of the year that is supposed to be filled with joy, gratitude, meaningful connections, etc., - research (and my professional experience) indicates that the holiday season is the most stressful, anxious, distressing time of the year for many of us.(Wait, what??)
With families sharing wonderful food, captivating stories, and gratitude all around, iIt’s certainly one of my favorite times of the year!
However, research from the American Psychological Association shows that 40% of Americans experience significantly more stress and strain during the holiday season.
There’s also an undeniable increase in levels of depression, anxiety, and loneliness during these times.
Why?
In my nearly two decades of clinical work, I’ve repeatedly seen a similar trend:
During the holidays, people are fixated on conflict and unresolved issues from the past year, new year uncertainty, where their life is headed, family drama, and so on.
With all of that piled on, it’s so easy to feel out of control, overwhelmed, and unfulfilled—they’re a recipe for burnout!
So, how do we stop stressing and enjoy the holidays like we want to?
From what I’ve learned from my almost 20 years of clinical work and research - it all comes down to the same principles we’ve been talking about: True North Radical Resilience!
Study after study has demonstrated that you need True North Radical Resilience principles to finish the year with a bang and attack the new year strong!
How do we do that?
Here are three actionable principles that you can try out today - that can transform your holidays into a more enjoyable and fulfilling experience:
1. Know your True North Values
What motivates you when life seems to be falling apart?
When your life encounters a great storm ready to do you in, what’s the anchor that stops you from capsizing?
If your emotional wellbeing is anchored to your circumstances, you’ll never find stability in your life because, as we all know, life constantly changes!
But your True North Values provide stability, security, and strength - in good times and bad.
Knowing your True North is about anchoring yourself to your core values, guaranteeing you’re responding out of your deepest values - and what matters most - and not out of stress!
No matter what’s going on in your life, living out your True North values helps you bring order into chaos, knowing how to respond in every situation
In fact, people who reaffirmed their values in a variety of situations felt like they could conquer whatever external challenges they encountered (that’s a game changer during stressful times!).
2. Focus on What You Can Control
How would you feel if you had to live in a Nazi concentration camp?
That’s exactly what Viktor Frankl, the author of Man’s Search for Meaning, had to wrestle with every day as a prisoner.
He could have fallen into deep despair and bitterness about life, considering the horrific suffering he saw and had no control over…
But every single day, he chose to focus on what he could control, embodying his True North values, attitude, and responses to improve his situation.
I’m not at all saying that your circumstances don’t influence you—of course they do!
But when you fixate on what you can’t control, you quickly become bitter and resentful about your life… think Scrooge McDuck!
In contrast, when you dedicate yourself to what you can control, you develop this deep sense of autonomy that allows for an unlimited capacity of joy and growth!
So when you face a stressful situation, try this: Recognize it, acknowledge what you can’t control, and focus on what you can control.
Like Mr. Frankl said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
If Mr. Frankl could do this in a concentration camp, then we can do this at Aunt Bertha’s Thanksgiving party too (no matter how difficult this party might be : )!
3. Rest, Recovery, and Boundaries
In the middle of tough matches, championship tennis players did something radical:
They knew how to slow their heart rate almost instantly and focus their minds, which made the “championship difference” and helped them win!
When we don’t do this and respond too quickly out of stress—feeling like we have to keep going without stopping—we react poorly and often make the situation worse!
It’s a recipe for making fatigued decisions, getting burnt out, and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why setting boundaries is crucial to calming your body, focusing your mind, and responding out of your values.
That’s why it’s okay to say no to things!
It’s okay to apply boundaries to give yourself proper rest.
It’s okay to take the time you need to rest and recover.
Rest, recovery, and boundaries are how you create the “championship holiday difference!”
Each of these points is great on its own, but when you combine all three together—know your values, focus on what you can control, rest, recover, and set boundaries—you have a super effective one-two-three combination for this holiday season!
So, if you’ve read all this and are thinking, “I’m tired of my holidays feeling so wrong. I know I can do more!” then you’re exactly the person I want to help.
If you’re ready to stop stressing and start enjoying your holidays, respond to this email with, “Radical Holidays!”
We want you to have an awesome, True North Radically Resilient holiday season this year, so once you reach out to us, we’ll share some exercises we use with our very own private clients!
